I am still alive

I think I'm going to retrain as a private investigator.

I feel this needs a trilby. 

I must go shopping.......

Macbeth

I can't really remember much from English lessons at school. Or at least not much that was English related. I remember being bored by endless poems and annoyed at having to see the 'underlying message' in them. Was it not possible that there was no underlying message and it was just a poem? I remember dreading the moment when you had to read aloud and the trying to stifle the yawns when 23 other girls had to go through the same thing. I remember passed notes, counting down the minutes to lunch, daydreaming about summer holidays and trying to work out if the smile from a boy ten days before meant we were going to get married. 

What I did not experience during these lessons was being transported back in time purely through the medium of words, of being inspired by feelings of passion, jealously, murder, hatred. Or leaving the lessons wanting more. I did, however, experience all of this and more at the cinema the other night. Yes that is right, at the cinema, where the live performance of Macbeth was streamed live from the sold-out show at the Manchester Festival. They were even selling ice cream at the start of the performance! The performance was set in a deconsecrated church and the live audience seated down aisles so that the play was performed down the centre of the church. And boy were those in the front row close to the action as soldiers were impaled, actors sweated and spat and swords banged against  the walls in front of them. There was even rain during the first battle scene. I particularly enjoyed the birds eye camera shots, especially at the beginning and end of the show. 

Image from Macbeth (www.guardian.co.uk)

Amazing, inspiring performances that transported the audience back to Shakespearean times in a heartbeat. We felt every emotion and it left me wanting more.  

Human vs printer

Today was a victorious day. 

I claimed a triumphant victory over the printer.

I will now detail my steps to triumph. 

1. When he tried to thwart my plans by running out of ink I phoned IT support and reported him as  'kaput'

2. Whilst he was waiting for said IT support to turn up I cheated on him with the downstairs printer and actually managed to print something off in A3

3. Not only did I get the print I wanted I also managed to photocopy it...just because I could.

This is no mean feat when the instructions AND buttons are in a foreign language, and it is a work IT system and I think we will all agree that they suck. 

That is all. 

Human vs bathroom door

I seem to have a history of walking into inanimate objects however THIS TIME IT IS NOT MY FAULT. All of the doors at work are different weights. Not even consistently across door types. This means one of two scenarios typically happens:

1) I fling the door open like I'm acting out some emotional scene in a soap opera and damage the wall/inanimate object/human being behind it

2) I don't use enough force and it only opens wide enough to get one half of my body through it resulting in yet more bruising on my right hip. 

The office door is of the light variety. The bathroom door is of the heavy variety. So far I have been unable to exit the bathroom without getting hit or even worse shut back into the bathroom. I'm hoping that all of the witnesses to this event will just put it down to my being foreign and us not having this situation in my home country.

And by this situation I mean doors. 

Hello Internet

At last I have  found somewhere to scrounge free Internet. It is a lovely little cafe called Cognito. It also happens to serve awesome latte's, cookies and ice cream. Not all at once mind......actually, there's an idea......anyway. I feel this may be regularly attended over the next few months.

It's like the inverse of the cafes back home. There we are used to asking for a 'primo' americano whereas here the sizes are 'regular' or 'large'! The food titles are in English as well but the ingredients and conversation are Deutsch. Oh and 'noodles' are in fact 'penne pasta'. Obviously. 

                           

Above is the cookie-of-awesomeness. Along with a slice of orange and some rabbit food. Oh and not entirely sure on the placement of the spoon. It kept smacking my right ear every time I took a slurp. That plus the cream on the end of my nose makes for an attractive experience. 

DON'T MENTION ZEE WAR.....

(I am backdating this slightly as not had access to Internet)

So, I'm living the dream in Deutschland :) moved out a couple of weeks ago and finally feel like I'm settling in! I was worried initially as the German stereotype is one of lots of rules and procedures, and not a lot of fun. Oh and I was warned that they don't do sarcasm....don't know why that was specifically pointed out....it's almost like it was being suggested that I am a sarcastic person. Pah. Anyway, turns out this stereotype is nonsense. They are as crackers as the rest of us.

What I have noticed though is that they like to shake hands. A lot. Like, all the time. Seriously. It's hilarious/tiring. They shake EVERYONE'S hand when they arrive in the morning. You now how in Britain one hand shake will last you a decade? Well here it is approximately 4 hours. I'm starting to suspect that the food in the canteen wipes their memories at lunch as well as smashing their daily salt intake (I'm having to exercise every day purely to keep my salt levels in check and sweat out the amount I take in during the day).

The number of greetings is also high....borderline excessive. In the morning you say 'Morgen' to everyone (and yes I mean everyone), then near lunch time it changes to 'Mahlzeit' (literally 'meal time') then it's 'hallo' during the afternoon....then 'tschuss' (sometimes I say juice cause I'm mental like that) or ciao which I'm about nine million percent certain is not of German origin. The overall feeling therefore is one of warmth and friendship in the work place. Joking aside they really are all lovely people and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better :)

The more imminent task it to try and work out how to fit some work in around this busy social schedule......

Tschuss!

The beginning.....

I have a proper job now. Like a grown up full time one where I have to be 'professional' so thought I should have a safe space for my....other side. This is it. You have been warned.